The Drunken Adventures of Wolverine & Nightcrawler
by tomhiddlestonpenisappreciation
Summary: Nightcrawler and Wolverine have drunken, hilarious conversations together. CrackFic! :3
1. Maple Leaves

Wolverine: OMAHGAWD!

Nightcrawler: What? Is it that dinosaur I found at the park?

Wolverine: NO! STUPID! Dinosaurs aren't real! That was one of those weird things with the springs on it and makes you rock back and forth, DUH.

Nightcrawler: Tell that to Jeff Goldblum. And Captain Kirk.

Wolverine: No, I won't cause they're not real. Anyway, I found some. . . weird lookin. . . um. . . STUFF,that's right, in um. . . this place I was at.

Nightcrawler: What'd it look like?

Wolverine: I dun know. Oh, yeah, now I remember it looked like your FACE! Ha! Take that Elf.

Nightcrawler: *with a small sob* You're mean! I'm gonna hate you foreva!

Wolverine: I'm sorry! I take it back!

Nightcrawler: Ok, I believe you.

Wolverine: I had a hotdog for lunch

Nightcrawler: I loves you cupcake! *eats cupcake* NOOOOOOOO! WHY CRUEL WORLD, WHY!!!

Wolverine: I found. . . a. . . piece of lent… in meh tummeh!!!!!

NC: EWWWWWWWWWW!!! YOU BE GROSSIN MEH OUT MON!!!!!!!!

Wolverine: WOAH WHAT THE HELL!? WHO'RE YOU!?

NC: It's me.

Wolverine: Me… WHO!? Oh, almost forgot, BUB!

NC: Look closely at the letters. Who has a N and a C in their name?

Wolverine: *Jeopardy music starts playing* Um… Um… Oh, God, I know this one… What is.. an apple?

NC: No, no, no, it's not an apple. Think of someone's name who lives here.

Wolverine: Let's see… Someone who lives here… Um… The Professor!

NC: No.

Wolverine: ROGUE!

NC: Again—no.

Wolverine: Okay, I got it this time! A drunken hillbilly named Bob!

NC: NO HILLBILLIES LIVE HERE!!!

Wolverine: Then who's the guy I gave the TV to?

NC: Wait! You gave a hillbilly a TV?!?!

Wolverine: No… I'm not that stupid… I gave him Scott's! x3

Somewhere in the mansion… "WHERE'S MY TV!??!?!!??!?!!"

NC: Okay, back to the question….

Wolverine: Oh! I know this one! POTATO!

NC: Okay, you know what? It's the Elf!

Wolverine: ELF DOESN'T HAVE A C OR A N IN IT, STUPID…. GOSH!

NC: It's Nightcrawler, man.

Wolverine: Hey, look! It's the Elf!!!

NC: Let's go rob a bank!

Wolverine: No, we should rob an icecream store. ICECREAM, ICECREAM, I SCREAM FOR ICECREAM!!! *robs the icecream store*

Wolverine: ALL YOUR ICECREAM ARE BELONG 2 US!

NC: Shut up and just take the icecream!

Wolverine: *stupid laugh* I like chocolate milk… *little kid laughter*  
NC: Wow, Wolverine is in a fit of giggles. TIME FOR THE VIDEO CAMERA!!!!!!!!!

Wolverine: After we eat all this icecream, we should eat… some DORITOS! And not the crappy Cool Ranch ones.. The regular ones… with the… cheese stuff on them… *fan girls of cool ranch Doritos cry*

NC: No! We should go to the park, and SWING!!! WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

Wolverine: I wants… to take a nap. Night night. I no let the bed buggies bite!

NC: Okay, Night!

And everyone slept peacefully for eternity.

**THE FUCKING END!!!**

Wolverine: I like maple leaves. GO CANADA!!!! * waves Canadian flag*

- - - - - - - - - -

Okay, this is Midnight6606 here! I'm here with my bestest buddy [who actually wrote this story with thoughts as I typed and helped a little] and we laughed and pissed in our pants when we wrote this. If we do not get REVIEWS, Wolverine will come and staple a maple leaf to your ass. THANKS, AND PEACE THE FUCK OUT!!!!


	2. Sno Cones

Wolverine: I loves this new thing I gots her!

NC: What it be?

Wolverine: It's…a…SNO CONE!

NC: OMAHGAWD! I has to gets one for meh!

Wolverine: No! Only I can haff one.

NC: Ju make meh cry! *tears stream down face*

Wolverine: I loves do sno cone! *eats sno cone in 5 seconds* YOU WAS YUMMEH IN MEH TUMMEH!

NC: Why can't I beh yummeh in yo tummeh?!

Wolverine: Cuz you ain't no food…BUB! Ha! I made you think I almost forgot it that time, din't I?

NC: I GOTS MEH A SNO CONE! YAHAY! *Wolverine takes sno cone and eats it in 1 second*

Wolverine: I loves meh some sno cones, biatch!

NC: Give meh my sno cone back, mon!

Wolverine: Let's get some more sno cones and get brain freezes! YEAH!

NC: Okay.

*After winning a lifetime supply of sno cones in the lottery*

NC: Meh tummeh hurts way bad.

Wolverine: I feel fine.

NC: *passed out*

Wolverine: OMG! HE BE DEAD! WHY YOU PEOPLE WHY!?

NC: *Still passed out, but with heartbeat*

Wolverine: *in a fit of tears*

**THE END**

Wolverine: Why does you do dis to meh sno cones!? Why!?

ENIREVLOWOLVERINE here to say: I know it be short but it be funneh, doesn't joo tink? Well me and my friend had just finished watching the third X-Men movie and wondered why the director of the movie hated us for not making Hugh Jackman some form of pantsless in the movie. WHY DOES JOO HATE US SO!? Anyway send reviews or, if you have a sno cone, Wolverine will take it from you, gut you, and eat zeh sno cone. So, ha!


	3. 13 Going On 30

Wolverine: Today I has a surprise fo you!

NC: WHAT? WHAT? WHAT?

Wolverine: Shhh, or you won't hear it.

NC: Okay.

Wolverine: Okay…here it goes…ready…alright…I watched this movie and it was awesome…it was about a lady who started out thirteen and then she turned thirty and she did…stuff…like she shopped…it was called…um…something to go with…um 'going'…and these two numbers. It was awesome! There was dancing and some stuff…and I think there were Razzles. I love those. They're the candy that turns into gum! :3

NC: OMAHGAWD!

Wolverine: I luvs meh some…um…stuff.

NC: I FOUND ANOTHER CUPCAKE! I WON'T EAT YOUS!*doesn't eat cupcake* WHY DID I DO THIS TO MAH CUPCAKE AGAIN! NOOOOOOOO!

Wolverine: I's gonna go to that place where I sleep and…do…some…sleepin.

NC: MEH 2! :D

THE END

Wolverine: I MEMBA DA MOOVIE NAME NOW! IT BE 13 GOING ON 30! MWAHAHAHA!

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**Yeah, I just thought of this while I was writing because I'm sure everyone misses these conversations. I can't really think of anything **_**too**_** funny now because of my serious story. If you have ideas for hi-larious stories, tell me in your reviews, please. If you want me too, I will say I got help from whoever's idea I pick to write the story. So, let me know. I added Wolverine watching that movie, 'cause I was watchin' it and I LUVS IT! I love the part at the party where she does the Thriller dance with Matt and everyone else! :3**


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